Well, it happened.
I told myself a hundred times that I would not allow it this time around, but I let it happen anyway.
I started my weight loss/health journey in late August 2015. I was almost 3 months postpartum with my second daughter and 30lbs heavier than I wanted to be. Over the course of seven months I lost a total of 34lbs with the help of clean eating, a daily dose of Shakeology, and a mix of the 21 Day Fix Extreme, T25, 22 minute Hard Corps, and the Master's Hammer and Chisel.
I was the happiest I had been in a LONG time and I was also in the best shape of my life and I did it the RIGHT way without starving myself, taking unnecessary supplements, or spending hours at the gym. I went back to basics and was proud of my accomplishments! I was able to treat myself here and there without feeling guilty.
After March, I cannot really tell you what happened. I lost my motivation. I stopped working out. My eating was hit or miss. I tried keeping up in my Challenge Groups, but I just didn't "WANT" to. I needed a break. The more I tried to force myself to workout and eat clean the more frustrated and resentful I got. The more binge eating I did and I slowly reverted back to my old habits.
I had signed up a few months prior to run a leg in the Pittsburgh Marathon relay and I ran 6.1 miles on May 1, 2016. I honestly think that is the last time besides 1 or 2 quick 22 minute hard corps workouts I've done since.
Well, let's fast forward to present day or at least July 15, 2016. I went shopping with my younger sister and was trying on dresses for my very good friend's bridal shower and that 3 way mirror opened my eyes - a little TOO big for my liking! I was shocked! Where did my hard work go? Why did I let myself lose control and why so much of it? I was pissed. (<-- that is putting it nicely)
Did I know I was losing control? Yes. Did I weigh myself hoping to see the numbers drop even though I knew with my current eating habits there was no possible way? You're damn right I did. To no avail the numbers on the scale were climbing. (Let me be the first to say that the numbers on the scale do NOT tell all and the way you FEEL is most important, but let me tell you - I do NOT feel good nor do I feel proud or confident like I did a few short months ago)
Do you want to know what the official breaking point was? The "wake-up call" that I had been slowly searching for? Well, that happened when I stepped on the scale and realized I weighed more now than I did when I was 4 1/2 months postpartum. Only by a pound, but STILL. What the hell happened? WHY did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen AGAIN?! I have gained a solid 15, yes 15lbs since March 6, 2016 (I keep track on my dry erase board of my "milestones").
Let's back track to my best friend's bridal shower for a quick minute. One of my very best friend's mother was there and she pulled me aside for a few minutes. She told me how proud of me she was and what an inspiration I am to her. It made me feel like the best and worst person all at the same time. She has been following my journey since I started last August. She watched me progress and succeed. She was inspired by ME. WOW! Talk about pressure, right? Talk about compliment, right? <-- my exact problem, but I didn't know it! She was asking me about Beachbody and wanted more information on it and some of the programs that might be a good fit for her. She asked me how I stayed motivated even with working and keeping up with 2 little ones (that's a good question because at this very moment I couldn't tell her). Once I started talking about it - I started smiling. I felt excited. I felt PROUD. I knew this was it. This was the push I needed.
I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I have such a problem with consistency. I always have when it comes to certain things.
I went home and talked to my husband and told him I needed to do something and I needed to do it QUICK. I needed to get back into a program of some sort before this excitement and determination went away. We talked and I have been researching on my own for a few months and decided to go with Beachbody's Ultimate Reset. If you have heard of it you may think I am crazy - I even think I am a tad bit crazy, but I truly believe this is EXACTLY what I need to kick the terrible habits I have formed.
The Ultimate Reset is a 21 day "reset". It helps with the body's detoxification process, it assists in helping the body to lose weight safely, helps to improve energy, helps to boost your mood as you get healthier, helps to support regularity, and helps to improve key measures of good health. To me this is an "all or nothing" deal. That means NO cheats. NO exceptions. NO slip-ups. It is only 21 days, but this the start of a new chapter for me.
What do I hope to get out of all of this? I want to feel like myself again. I want to feel healthy and most importantly I want to BE healthy. I want to get back into healthy habits and I want to get rid of these awful craving I've been having (I honestly feel like they're worse than pregnancy cravings at this point haha). So, this is my fresh start and to be honest I am pretty damn excited about it! I have some goals that I am looking to achieve this year and I won't be getting there going down the road I'm currently on.
As far as coaching... I love what I do and I love helping other people and I still want to help people. I just kind of what to do it on my own terms. I was starting to feel like I was under a microscope and I was no longer "enjoying" what I once loved. I was in over my head. I wasn't enjoying myself. I wasn't having fun. I didn't want to be "Beachbody Carrie" I just wanted to be ME. I am human. I am NOT perfect. I was tired of everyone watching what I ate and I was tired of the "is that 21 day fix approved". I just felt like I was under constant scrutiny and don't get my wrong, at first I liked it because it kept my motivated and on track, but then I started to resent it because I didn't want all of that attention..
I am and always will be more than willing to help people and get them started on their own fitness journey and I will post accordingly, but I will not be taking over my Facebook because that's just not ME. I love and miss posting pictures of my food and recipes, so that will be starting back up! As for sweaty selfies? Those will be on hold for at least 21 days as there is no working out during the Ultimate Reset unless I decide to do some Yoga or Pilates ..of course I had to extend my no workout streak, right? ;)
So, now that I got that all out - I will be starting the Ultimate Reset on Monday, July 25th. I will be posting periodically online and I am HOPING to keep up with it on my blog. I am hoping to add some new recipes along the way and I hope to write a little more outside the box, too.
Here is to a yet another NEW beginning!
